Ok, peoples, prepare to be inundated with blog postings from me for a couple days! Thanks to Natalie and Laurelei Black, I've discovered The Pagan Blog Project 2012 and decided to participate. However, joining late I've decided to catch up in blog posts, not simply start where there are on I think letter D.
In my opinion, Accountability is one of the most important things I've learned from being a Pagan and from studying psychology. Growing up as a Christian I was taught that Jesus died for our sins and all is forgiven. Which is all well and good, but it always struck me as a bit unfair. Mother Theresa on equal footing with a serial killer on death row who says he's sorry and receives absolution from a priest. This kind of philosophy seems to lend itself to the idea of doing whatever you want because as long as you ask for forgiveness it will be granted, the slate wiped clean. What's the point of doing the right thing, then? Sure, one could argue the benefits are knowing that you've done the right thing. That's a real pretty ideal, but I can tell you from experience working in customer service that it doesn't play out that way in the real world. All things being equal, people will only work as hard as they need to in order to keep their job. Very few people are willing to go the extra mile without some kind of compensation, be it extra pay or simple recognition. It's depressing if you are doing extra work and receiving the same compensation as the slacker. And what's more, one is likely to be looked down upon by ones co-workers for making them look bad, even if there's still no difference in how everyone is treated.
Everyone knows the popular saying, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Meaning that if you try to do something good but it ends badly, it's the same as if you'd just done something bad. Well, I don't buy into that idea either. What a horrible concept to be damned because you tried to do the right thing.
So, what does that leave us with? Accountability: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or one's actions (Merriam-Webster). We can only control our own actions and reactions. Ideally, our actions should be guided by what we feel to be right and appropriate. It's a difficult concept to understand that we always have a choice. The excuse, "I had no choice," is always a fallacy. It's like one of those trick questions on tests. If the statement includes the terms always or never, it's a false statement. If someone puts a gun to your head and says give me all your money or I'll kill you, you have choices. They may not be good ones or ones that you are willing to choose, but they are choices. One of the truly hard choices to feel in control of have to do with our emotions. And this for me is a gray area. Psychology has taught me that we choose to feel hurt or angry by what someone says, not that they make or force us to feel that way. And yet, psychiatrists treat people for damage from verbal and emotional abuse. "Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is not true. Words can and do hurt and what's worse, it's hard to prove because they leave no physical wounds or scars or evidence. But, in my opinion, I think people can make us feel things, but what we do have a choice about is what we do with that pain, anger, and hurt.
Being accountable for our actions means not blaming others for when things go wrong or only giving ourselves credit when things go well. Being accountable for our actions means accepting the consequences. It means looking in the mirror for what we could have done better in a situation, not what someone else could have done differently. It's a hard, hard thing to do. It's easier to believe that someone else is at fault. And you know what? There are certainly times when it is someone else that is at fault, but dwelling on that isn't going to get you anywhere positive. I think we have a right to defend ourselves and do what's necessary when we have the option to do so. But in cases where proving who was right or wrong won't make a difference, it's a waste of time and energy and can bring you to a place of negativity that can carry over into other parts of your life. If you can have this mindset most of the time (we're only human after all, so expecting all the time is unreasonable), you will develop a more positive, less stressful, and more peaceful outlook on all aspects of your life. For me it has also manifested as an ability to be still in my mind. There was a time when I read near constantly, only went to bed when I was certain to fall asleep right away, and avoided meditation like the plague because I couldn't stand the pain from the direction my thoughts would go if left idle. But now that I can accept what I could have done differently and what I could not have ever controlled (how someone else acted), I can find that still, calm place in my heart and soul and devote my thoughts to more positive ideas and direction. I am moving forward instead of feeling so stuck. I thank the Powers That Be as often as I think about it for teaching me this lesson.
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